Whisk me away to a secret world...

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Don't pluck at the stray thread - otherwise everything will unravel.

8.36pm 9 Oct 2006 Monday

It's a cold day. The sun was an attention-grabbing mix of red and pink as I drove home after work. Perhaps the combination of all these factors contribute to my overall melancholy. Well, considering that I come to this blog only when I think of him, I'm glad that there aren't that many posts.

I was listening to a song when my treacherous heart fluttered nervously. I stared at the screen, unseeing, and my ears, unhearing. It was as though I didn't understand the language: only the music, the rhythm and the emotions of the song touched the depths of my numbed soul.

Sometimes I feel like those memories are like stray thread - once you pull it, you're never going to get the fabric back into a pristine condition again. Worse still if the tapestry starts to unravel and you end up with less than you began with.

How is it that he still sticks to my mind like a forgotten scab that hurts when you try to pull it off, when I feel normal most of the time? I can never understand the contradictory feelings.

Have you forgotten me? I wonder out of vanity. We will never be together. How could I have lived my simple life with the constant worry that I'm not enough for you? I can't. He gives me a security I've always sought, just like you had. The only difference is, he never holds back his love, while you, you fled away from me...

Times like this makes me glad I destroyed all past evidence of our happiness. So even if I wanted to, there's no turning back.

But on a cold fall night like this, I still think of you...