Whisk me away to a secret world...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

All it takes is a word from you...

9.50pm 17 Nov 2004 Tuesday

... to screw me up all over again. No matter how all right you think you are, life often chooses the harshest way to remind you that you aren't. I was just talking to SH about Jeremy this afternoon, because he was going to be present at the airforce function we were all invited to. We both concluded what I already knew when I called, that I was thinking too much, and I could always not go if I was that uncomfortable.

But I wasn't prepared for him to MSN me 30 minutes after I hung up with her, asking to meet up over Thanksgiving weekend. I still have some stuff with him, he said.

It was scary how fast the fog crowded my mind and stopped all brain cells from functioning normally. No matter how I tried to tell myself it was just another touch and go situation, that he was going to come up and hand me a bag and leave, the body wouldn't stop shaking.

After I finally got over the shivers, doubts and hope starting wandering into this treacherous mind unbidden. Why did he suddenly want to meet? Then I realised, he must have been packing to leave when he found those things.

jian mian de shi hou ni hui shuo she me ne? ni hui gao su wo ni yao li kai ma?

There's always that same fear that he'd hand back the Momo gear shift. I don't know why it means so much to me that he doesn't, but I just don't want to see it. Nor any black Evos. Or Puma shoes, or go to Vegas, or think of Grand Canyon and me telling him, no matter what, he must believe that I really love him.

Thank god I'm in the library now. Never knew that I still had so much emotions bottled in me, but then again, I don't want to know. I don't want to know that I still care so much, that he has the ability to affect me still.

*shudders from the melodrama and angst*


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